Chronicle of Redemption
by Death's Domain
Summary: Harry, driven to the point of insanity, really hates fate. Why does fate always make him do the crazy stuff? Probably because her favorite TV show was cancelled. Oh well, at least he could have some fun with the locals while he was stuck here. Crack!Harry Powerful!Harry Insane!Harry MorallyQuestionable!Harry VerySlowlyGettingSaner!Harry THIS IS CRACK SO I WONT EVEN PRETEND ITS GOOD
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I wanted to write a fanfiction crossover between GoT and Harry Potter, so I made this. I apologize if you go mad or pick up any mannerisms that super powerful and bonkers Harry uses in this fic. You have been warned…..**

"Ahh, what an absolutely marvelous day!" Harry yelled out with glee. Being the Master of Death did turn out to have some benefits, such as immortality, free vacations, and the perfect poker face. However, he couldn't get drunk. He cried when Death told him that. Oh well, the day was still marvelous! Even better, it didn't rain constantly in Hawaii. Harry not-so-subtly pulled a box of pizza from his magically expanded pocket and handed it to a kid sitting on the sidewalk and continued on his way. That kid would be having some bad diarrhea later…. He took another glance around the neighborhood, looking at all of the identical houses. Hmm…. Too similar to Privet Drive. He'd have to remember to burn it down later.

Harry pulled out his amazing phone that he totally didn't go about ten million years in the future to get, and started playing Flappy Bird. "I swear on the life of my left pinky toe, I will defeat you someday!" he yelled angrily at the little yellow bird on his screen.

Meanwhile, as Harry was trying to conquer the most challenging game in existence, a giant portal appeared in front of him. "Yes! I got the score of five! Best day ever!" Harry shouted once more, and then he noticed that he was in the middle of the worst blizzard he had ever seen. He let out a long sigh, and then typed a number into his phone. "Yeah, Fate. When I get back to Earth I'm going to rip you apart with my tooth brush. Yup, that's right, my toothbrush. I recommend you start running," Harry let out in a deadly whisper.

Somewhere a long way away, Fate gulped audibly.

Then his face quickly burst into a wide grin. "Let's go meet the locals! Weeeee!" Harry screamed as he flew through the air to the giant wall that he just now saw. How did he miss that?

"OH NO! SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN!" Harry screamed as he crashed into the wall and made a big chunk fall out of it. Thankfully nothing broke, probably due to the fact that he wanted to be like Wolverine…. But then there was the problem that he was lodged into a giant wall four-hundred feet into the air.

"Well, seems I'm in a bit of a sticky situation. What do I usually do in sticky situations again? Oh yes! Fire!" Harry smiled crazily as he let fire pour from his hands. He loved being insane, much easier than being a grumpy old guy like Dumbles or Snapey. Melting the giant ice wall also had the added benefit of giving him water. Being that sexy made one go thirsty quite a bit. Also, the delicious smell of barbeque. "Wait… Barbeque?" Harry gasped out, noticing that he accidentally caught himself on fire.

As he freed himself, he jumped off the wall. He landed in a not-so-eloquent heap. Then he started rolling around like a mad man. Oh wait, he was a mad man. "AHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled out, because the last time he became living barbeque his dog was hungry. Reforming his body after that was not a fun experience.

Meanwhile, the commander of the Night's Watch ordered the gate open to see what was going on. Benjen Stark looked onto the scene with a weird look in his eyes. He slowly turned to the petrified recruit beside him. "Go get some of the scotch lad," he let out in a croaked whisper.

The recruit turned towards him. "How much would you like?" he asked, left eye still glued to the horrifying scene occurring in front of them. He regretted joining the Night's Watch. Rotting in the dungeon for the rest of his life was much better than this.

"Not for me lad, but for you. And while your at it, please get a raven sent to Lord Stark," Benjen said as the boy slowly walked back towards castle black. "I should of known the honor wasn't worth it…," Benjen sighed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! STOP IT!" Harry screamed in pain. Meanwhile, the majority of the Night's Watch looked on in morbid fascination. Benjen, for the hundredth time, let out a sigh.

 **A/N: I think I had way to much fun writing this… I'm not weird, am I? Anyways, please leave a review because I'm not currently sure if I should continue this… If I do, I'll obviously make the chapters longer. This is more just kind of an introduction.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The amount of support on the last chapter was amazing! The story went over 1000 views and it really surprised me! I can only really thank you guys so much for this but it's still amazing! And for all the support, here's another chapter! As of the update schedule, I'm going to try to update every Saturday. Chapters are relatively short as of now, because I do kind of have a life to live. I will try to make chapters slowly get longer though. Peace out and don't forget to review :D**

As the Night's Watch pulled in the unconscious man, Benjen sighed, again. At this rate he'd die from asphyxiation. Not that he really cared, see as there was a psychopath being wheeled into the wall's tunnel. They really didn't pay him enough for this. Of course, he wasn't paid in the first place. Not for the first time, Benjen cursed the name of the Baratheon. They got to sit in their cozy fortresses while HE had to deal with this! And while he was helping bring the psycho into Castle Black, Maester Aemon was cackling like a mad man!

"BWAHAHAHAHHAHA! THIS IS HILARIOUS! I HAVEN'T HAD THIS MUCH FUN IN YEARS! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!" Aemon bellowed out in a strong voice, which was even more disturbing seeing as the man was so old and frail. That, and he was hopping around on one foot while doing it.

"Will you cut it down, I'm trying to sleep!" Harry yelled out in protest. Immediately, all the men carrying him dropped him on the ground in pulled out their swords. "Wow, such a nice reception! I haven't had people be so nice to me since I started World War Three! Or was it Five? Oh well!" Harry started to walk near the edge of the circle surrounding him.

"D-don't move!" one of the younger Crows managed to say to Harry. "If you take another step forward, we'll kill you!"

Harry took five more steps forward. As the sword impaled through his chest, Harry let out a not so manly giggle. "HAHAHAHAH! It tickles! HAHAHAHHA! More, please, more!" The young Crow passed out with fear. Actually, Benjen and Aemon were the ONLY ones who didn't pass out. Aemon, because he was still cackling, and Benjen, because he was currently taking more breath in to sigh. Harry saw Benjen sighing and let his signature grin spread across his face. Harry's hand snaked out to fast to see, and before Benjen could even gasp, his tongue was in Harry's hand.

"No bad breath for you, can't have you smelling up the place!" Benjen was put through the most horrible torture in the world, something that must of have taken hundreds of generations to perfect. By the end of it, Benjen's mouth was a bloody mess. "You know, you seem to have really sensitive gums. You might want to brush more often so it isn't so bad."

Aemon looked on with avid fascination as Benjen nodded his head and joined the Crow's passed out on the ground. He always did want to learn torture tactics. Then, as the Psycho's face turned towards him, his smile renewed. "Shall I lead you to your room, my lord?"

"Harry is fine, and sure. By the way, you look a lot like a janitor I used to know. Do you happen to have a fetish for cats?" Harry asked. He really needed to know, because people with cat fetishes usually tried to torture him.

"No, I don't happen to have a cat fetish. But if you do see a dragon, that's a whole different matter," Aemon said suggestively to Harry. "Now, if you'll follow me, I can bring you to the visitor's chambers." At that, Harry followed Aemon walking like an old man. He really was quite rude.

At a circular table, several individuals looked upon the scene taking place on the crystal ball. There was uncomfortable shuffling, and several of them seemed to take short glances at the singular empty seat. "This is… troublesome," the tallest one said, his voice filled with power as blue eyes shone from underneath his cloak.

"I think troublesome may be the understatement of the millennium. This can't be allowed to continue! He has ruined so many plans already!" a female yelled out. A few dejected among them muttered agreement.

"It matters not what we think, Fate has already put a hold on our world. We can only hope that our fates prove to be stronger," one said, wisdom leaking from his voice. Mutters of agreement spread from the crowd.

"We all know the prophecy," the tall one said,"and no matter what, it MUST come to pass. Without the Faceless One, our world will degenerate into chaos." This earned even more agreement. They did not want all of their work to be for nothing.

"But his sanity, would he not kill us all at the slightest threat? He already has too much power as of now, but to give him the power of prayer? If he doesn't regain his sanity, we're already dead!" the female shouted out. Unsettled gods and goddesses looked around at each other.

"If his sanity doesn't come back, then we are doomed. The Seven already have enough power to convert him if we don't get to him soon. But as of now, we must trust in his abilities. He WILL come back to us, whether he wants to or not. Council dismissed," the tall one stated. Everyone slowly shuffled out of the room, leaving only the tall one and the wise one in the room.

 _ **When sanity failed,**_

 _ **From which demons were hailed.**_

 _ **As the legends foretold,**_

 _ **Came the great king of old.**_

 _ **Eyes opened once more,**_

 _ **With wings he shall soar.**_

 _ **Enemies beware,**_

 _ **The rise of Death's heir.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_Drip…_  
 _Plop…_  
 _Drip…_  
 _Plop…_

Joffrey, in all his 'innocence', wet his pants. Of course, no one could exactly blame him. It's not everyday that one of his rabbits was tired and angry of being shot at. And by angry, he meant REALLY angry. So angry, in fact, that it looked like no little Joffreys.

If you were wondering, the dripping was from Joffrey's tears. While Joffrey was crying, Robert was extremely drunk and laughing in the background. "HAHAHHAHA! TAKE THAT YOU USELESS PIECE OF…," he started.

"Robert! Shut up! Can't you see my poor baby is in pain?!" Cersei screamed out before Robert could insult her son. Their shouting match attracted the attention of servants all over the castle. As Joffrey was rushed to get healed, the servants who were tired of the royal family smirked as one.

By the end of the day, all of the kingdom would know of what happened to Joffrey. Several Targaryen supporters used this as evidence why NO ONE should follow Joffrey when he became king. After all, who gets castrated by a rabbit?

* * *

Harry woke up after having a wonderful dream. He dreamed that he was a rabbit that got revenge on his abusive master. Actually, it was the first dream he could remember having for seven centuries. Hmm… That would warrant some investigation, later.

However, he was currently very cold. Well, not cold per say. He did live on Pluto for a few years before he came back to Earth. That was besides the point. He wasn't comfortable, and when he wasn't comfortable someone usually died.

Well, the person who usually died when they were uncomfortable was himself. He couldn't technically die, but his bodily functions could shut down. Harry wondered why he was cold though, seeing as he mastered elemental magic and thus it should be impossible for him to feel cold in such high temperatures.

Harry looked down and gasped,"Oops… Didn't think the sword pierced my magical core… Man, I hope my magic didn't screw up this area too much. Last time it got pierced like this I started an intergalactic war… Nah, I'm sure it's fine."

* * *

For some unexplainable reason, the goddess known as Jinx sneezed as she was messing with mortals. She didn't even know how she sneezed, seeing as she was just a giant ball of energy.

* * *

Harry jumped out of bed, pulling the sword out of his chest. The would instantly healed, as if it was never there. Things like that happened since he became immortal. No glasses were needed, no scars from constant abuse, and most importantly, HE WAS TALL! Being 5'4 his whole immortal life would be horrible, so he was quite glad when he woke up one day being 6'4. Some would call that overkill, he called it awesome

After all, who didn't love to stare down at idiots who thought they were better than them? Okay, so maybe he was special. Others simply liked the act, but he MAY of had a shrine to the power of the almighty glare. Hey, you could call Harry crazy all you wanted, he could always use a reminder.

Speaking of that, why was he in a room with stone walls? The last time he had seen one of those was at Hogwarts, and he definitely didn't want to be back in that horrible place. The horrible memories that place brought up… NO! He wouldn't think of that place anymore.

Harry saw the door at the other side of the run down room, but was a bit too lazy to walk to it. He simply turned around and jumped out the window. Not a very good idea, seeing as the Night's Watch were sparring in the courtyard below his room.

"AHHH! YOU CUT OFF MY ARM!" Harry screamed at the boy right after having fallen into the path of the boy's sword. Seeing who it was, the boy lost control of his bowels. Meanwhile, Harry's arm disappeared in a flash of light and appeared back on his arm.

"I'M SORRY MY LORD, PLEASE DON'T SUBJECT ME TO YOUR HORRIBLE FANTASIES!" the young watchmen pleaded, remembering what he saw in the man's coat when he had to help the man set up the room. It was a book called _Fifty Shades of Gray_ , and after reading it at the man's insistence, he could never look at a woman the same way. Who LIKED to be tortured?! That was just plain wrong!

"AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO BERTHA(Harry's Right Arm)?! NEVER! PUT ON A WHITE DRESS AND SING DANCING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND!" The boy looked like he was about to object. "IF YOU DON'T, I WILL MAKE YOU ACT OUT ALL THE SCENES IN THAT BOOK WITH THE FATTEST PERSON I CAN FIND HERE!"

After that announcement, the boy hurried to find a dress. Sadly for him, progress was hard to come by as only the fattest person there was helping him. The others, being completely evil, found every white dress and burned it. After hearing that, the fat guy and the boy cried for hours until Harry was bored.

"You guys do know that was a joke, right? Like I'd actually want to watch you two do that," Harry revealed, causing the two to cheer and the rest of the Night's Watch to let out a collective 'AWWWWW, this sucks'.

Benjen walked out into the courtyard, and immediately turned around. No way was he dealing with _him_. It took him hours to get rid of the headache he got last time. What was that guy on anyways, dragon blood?

Harry saw him though, and didn't like it when people annoyed him. "HEY! You! Where are you going? Give me more entertainment, I'm starting to get bored!" Harry yelled out towards Benjen. Benjen froze.

The freezing stopped almost as soon as it started. A cruel smirk lit up Benjen's face as he heard Harry's request. Ned deserved this after all, with how he brutally cut off Mr. Snuffles the teddy bear's head, saying he needed to practice execution. "Well, there is this place south of here called Winterfell where you could find some entertainment…" Benjen said.

"YES! Give me directions manservant! I shall go to this Winterfell!" Harry commanded, his eyes lighting up with glee. Benjen was all too much in a hurry to give Harry a map.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry about not updating last week guys. Apparently I'm a lot busier than I thought. As of that, I'm going to start updating bi-weekly and on Sundays so I have more time to right. I know the story has been kind of slow so far, but things will start to pick up soon. Once it is in the 'Stark Betrayal' storyline a lot of things will be revealed about Harry's fate. Let's just say Harry won't be very happy about certain actions of Lysa Arryn ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: We are back guys! I finally got my computer fixed, and wrote an amazingly cracky chapter. I give myself headaches with how crazy I am! Reviews are appreciated guys as they allow me to know if I have made any mistakes or even if you just have a good idea. Remember, anything can happen in crack! Hope you enjoy!_**

 _Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh…_

Bad things always happened when Harry decides he wants to throw something. For instance, the elementally infused sword that he threw approximately eight hours ago. Yeah, it was still flying. Probably due to the magic within the sword.

That really didn't matter much though, what did matter was that Viserys Targaryen forgot his sword in his room. It was a magnificent longsword, and Viserys would never leave his precious sword alone. He didn't even care that they said he had to compensate for something, which may or may not have been true.

Viserys reached for his sword, planning to go yell at his worthless sister. And then he fell over, dead. See, elementally infused swords don't care if you're in their way, cause they won't stop.

* * *

Harry screamed in frustration. He was reading fanfiction on his computer when he went to his new favorite story _**Chronicle of Redemption.**_ Sure, he may be an absurdly powerful being, but he had to have some relaxing time too. Anyways, the author said his computer was broken, and Harry wasn't happy.

Even worse, Harry was flying when he screamed, and apparently pigeons don't like it when you scream. Now Harry was mad, and covered in poop. Why did these things always happen to him?

At least he could finally see that Winterfell place. When he asked for instructions, he expected a nice and handy address for Google Earth. Apparently he wasn't even on Earth anyone, though the humans here still called it that. Why? He had no _earthly_ idea.

Harry abruptly stopped in the middle of the air. He smirked evilly as he pulled out his awesome smart phone.

 _Ring_

 _Ring_

 _Ring_

* * *

Fate was having a wonderful day. Every since she dumped that stupid kid out of her home universe, she didn't have to worry about any spontaneous explosions. And by spontaneous, she meant he blew up important celestial bodies every time she looked away.

Even better, she had time for a bath. She had canceled all appointments for the day, and told noone to call her unless it was an absolute emergency. So, as she slid into the bath, she set her phone on the counter and got ready to enjoy herself.

And then it rang, that blasted phone rang. She didn't expect a call, and so that meant something bad happened.

"What happened?" she asked almost immediately after she rushed out of the tub to the phone. This could be something horrible.

"I'm adding another toothbrush," Harry revealed in a deathly calm voice. Fate was right, it was something horrible.

* * *

Harry smiled after getting some good 'ole comic relief. He wasn't lying when he said he was adding another toothbrush, but he still found the tears of terror amusing. Now that that was out of the way, he continued his flight to Winterfell.

Harry really needed to remember to regulate his speed. "AHHH! NOT ANOTHER STRUCTURE! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!" Harry screamed out. Harry fell to the ground, body completely crushed by the collision.

Eddard was training Robb and Jon when the mutilated corpse fell into the training yard. "Er… Dad? What's happening?" Robb asked as all three of them stared in shock. Then it moved, the corpse _**moved.**_

Horrible cracking sounds were heard as Harry's body reassembled itself. Bones shifted back to place, muscles and skin healed at a godly pace, and Jon lost his lunch as the crushed skull seemed to pop back out.

As Harry finally managed to stand up and the blood disappeared, he held out his hand. "Hello, my name is Harry. How are you doing?" Harry asked.

Harry was wondering why they were staring at him in terror. Then he looked where their gazes were. With widened eyes, Harry ran away before he lost anymore dignity. Stupids clothes and how flimsy they are.

Running quickly away, Harry found a little clearing in a small wooded area to hide inside. He started to run to the biggest tree, hoping to find shelter behind it. If Harry was watching his step, he would of noticed there was a rock in his path. As it was, it looked like the tree with the face was getting an early lunch.

* * *

The Wise One suddenly jolted back in his seat as the council started another meeting. The other god's gave him strange looks, due to him usually having an extremely calm personality. However, he only had one thought on his mind. _'Why does he use cherry flavored shampoo?_

* * *

Eddard rushed towards the shrine to the old gods with his personal guard. It just had to be him who got a streaking immortal to land in his castle. Their footsteps pounded on the ground as they arrived to the shrine.

Eddard had a sudden urge to retire in a nice place, far away from here. The idiot who decided to fly into the castle had his head _stuck_ in the mouth of the weirwood. In the attempts to get out, Harry was sticking his nude butt straight up in the air for all of them to see.

Hodor, who decided to follow Eddard, was very happy. He could finally have fun to someone without mother getting onto him. And so, the second shock of the day occurred. "Hodor… happy!" Hodor shouted.

Eddard almost cried. Now they had to hold down Hodor and pry the immortal from the shrine. Scratch that, Eddard _**did**_ cry.


End file.
